Frustrations with college student BF

I’ve been telling the BF now that he needs to let me know when he goes somewhere. For example- the other week he had a softball game at 6:30pm. They typically last 45 minutes and I usually go but couldn’t that night. I texted him around 7:30 and didn’t hear anything back. Finally around 9pm he texted me and said he went out with some guys and would leave soon. He knew that I was waiting on him to help me with something for school, so I was annoyed. Also, we live together. Common courtesy to let me know if you won’t be home at your usual time. He has a habit of this on his long drives and he falls asleep while driving ALL THE TIME, so I get so irritated when he doesn’t respond while he’s on the road. So this has been a discussion we frequently have.

He has finals coming up and has been cramming to read this entire book he saved for the very end of the semester. Whatever. I don’t care what he does with school. But we are supposed to be tearing the carpet at our house up tonight. He had class till 6:30 and asked me to pick up a utility knife but I explained that I would hopefully be done with my final by 7 and had to drive to my parent’s to get my dad’s car so we can pick up our wood tomorrow (for the flooring). Didn’t hear anything else but that’s typical when he’s at school.

Called him at 7 after my final. No answer. I just drove my dad’s huge tank back to my house, in the freaking pouring ran (seriously, I drive about 40 the ENTIRE way home and it’s ALL interstate except for about 2 miles), because we have to pick up the wood for our floors tomorrow! He finally called at 8:50, sounded like he had a few drinks, and said “I had to piss so I stopped at Meehan’s after class.” You have to pee so you go to the bar?! Instead of peeing in your class building?! They’re FIVE blocks apart!

Honestly, I’m not even that mad. I’m just so used to this and it’s just disappointing. He has drill this weekend and he has all his math assignments to do over the weekend, plus he’s behind on his reading. So he goes to a bar? AND we have to tear up our carpet?! And I spent half the day cleaning the house instead of studying for finals.

I just feel like I’m left with a lot of the house stuff. He has improved some, but still, I feel like I’m left to be responsible and he’s left to have fun. Also, I let him pay me a pretty low amount of money each month because he has school to pay for. I didn’t make him pay me anything for 2 months, which covers the entire cost of my engagement ring (or at least close to it- my ring isn’t a ton of money). But I let him pay me so little and I usually pay for groceries and I pay for home improvements (and it is MY house- I own it- his name isn’t on it so I don’t expect him to pay for things like my new floors). I just bought couches the other day (furniture to me is fair game for both of us to pay for). I just paid for our floors.

But this puts me in a bit of a spot. He has said he’d pay me more so he doesn’t feel like a freeloader (it’s not like he’s only paying $200 a month or anything). But I WANT him to save! But then he goes out and has drinks. He goes on hunting trips. He went and bought a new $50 jacket to go shooting at THE RANGE! He drinks Jack & Cokes all the time. He buys new jeans (he has like, 5 pairs of jeans). So it gets frustrating because hey, I really want to get a new pair of pants to run in a new shirt for running, but I will be spending $6,000 this month on my house and furniture. Must be nice to be able to go out and have some drinks. And when he and I go out, I never order wine when I’m out because I don’t want to spend $9 for a glass of wine! I know that the money for our wedding and honeymoon will be coming from my account. And I know this is what I got myself in to by dating a college student. And I’m okay with that. But it’s still frustrating when he goes and spends $50 on drinks when he is a COLLEGE STUDENT! But I don’t want him to feel like he isn’t allowed to spend his money on what he wants, either. I just wish he was a little more responsible naturally. Or that, instead of spending $50 on drinks at a bar after class, he’d put that towards a night out for us.

I guess I’m not angry right now because I know I have to let him do his own thing. He is his own person, but it is just one of those things that wears at you to feel like you’re taking care of 95% of everything when it seems like it should be closer to 50/50 (or at least 70/30 while he’s in school). And he has made some improvements, but I also feel like I can’t talk to him about it anymore because the more we discuss it, the less he feels like he can be himself.

I did tell him he’s responsible for these floors. I guess he thought I just wanted him to do all the manual labor, but I don’t. I wanted to pick out the wood (with him) and that was it! I don’t want to know about the types of glue or quarter round and vapor barriers and measuring my house. I just don’t care. I was planning on having somebody install the floor for me but he offered. So I’m letting him do it. I don’t care if he doesn’t tear up the carpet till his brother gets here. If that’s how he chooses to do it, whatever. I’m going to stay at my parent’s and they can take care of it.

Anyway, I’m off. Long day of studying for finals.