Marriage Problem #1. Money.
I am a very responsible person with my money. Very. I don’t buy things I don’t have money for. I tend to be aware of how much I spend always.
I was really not okay with merging bank accounts when after mine and Husband’s wedding since I know his banking habits are nowhere near mine. He has 0 credit card debt thankfully and no car payment. But he has NO savings. I actually thought he did, and he had, until going back to school.
What brings this all up is that he called me last night saying our “joint account” owes his account money. He said it owed him $1800 for gas and food and travel expenses from our trip. We factored that in when we talked about what we would spend our money on from our joint account. However, our joint account was starting from 0, so we clearly didn’t have money for all of that from the start. I have spent $50 to this day from our joint account (and that was an accident because the cards were switched when I first started using them), aside from our bills (mortgage, car payment, electric, HOA, etc). I use MY money (we each have our own checking) to pay for gas, food, and my rent while I’m on this travel assignment.
His argument was that I just spent $1400 of OUR money to pay of my credit card bill (my AMEX) which was used ONLY on our honeymoon trip. I had quit spending any money at all after out trip so that I could just pay that off. Then, I transferred $1600 into our joint account (much more than the 50% of my paycheck that we are supposed to be putting in each time we get paid) because I CANNOT pay my AMEX from the USAA website (I’m not considered a primary user when I log in under his account- it’s a serious pain in the ass and they can’t fix it until I go home in a few weeks and we get a power of attorney).
So I left off saying we’d discuss it tonight since I was in Martha’s Vineyard last night, but basically told him that we were not paying him $1800 and if he wanted to take the money out from the hotels on our trip, that he can. But we’re not “paying him back” for his gas and food or we won’t have money in our joint account to pay our bills this week.
Today I decided to look into this. I knew I had transferred money in just to pay the AMEX bill, so I was curious. When I opened our joint account up, I noticed he took out money while he was in South Carolina seeing his friend. And then he went to DC the next weekend. Between those two weekends, he spent over $500 ($400 from our joint account- which we are NOT using the joint account for our “pleasures”). And he was seriously bitching at me about not having the money to “play” because he makes less now that he’s a student.
Look guys… I’ve MADE me sacrifice while I was in school. I worked hard, spent little, and saved up to go out of the country while I was in college. I have always had a savings and still do. I do that so I can enjoy things. So while I get that we’re married and now his financial burdens are mine, I find it VERY frustrating that I’m doing my best to save money while I’m traveling because I know I have thousands of dollars to come for my own grad school next year (over $5000 per semester to go part time and I don’t have ANY of my GI Bill left, nor will I qualify for the Pell Grant, and my HOPE scholarship is obviously done because I’m done with my undergrad AND because I’m not full time at my job, I no longer get the $3000 annually from work either). But while I’m trying to save, he spent OVER $500 IN TWO WEEKENDS?! What. The. Fuck. $117 at ONE BAR. He also spent $110 on new golf gear to go on his one golf excursion (that money wasn’t included in that $500 total).
I am BEYOND irritated. I spent about $150 for my entire weekend in Martha’s Vineyard this weekend and I’M DONE WITH SCHOOL! I felt guilty for spending that much and was frustrated that I threw away about $20 on public transportation (before we knew you could just buy a $7 day pass). Husband has made STRIDES in his money saving abilities, but to call me last night and act like he can’t live on $350/2 weeks (for “fun money”) is insane. Seriously insane. And I’m putting over 50% of my paycheck to our joint account and over 25% into savings, while using the remaining money for my gas, food, and rent here (which was supposed to come out of joint). So really. Reealllly, you “don’t have enough?” I think I just need to separate our accounts again so I don’t want to kill him after a year.